Big Red Love

Unrequited

I wish I didn’t have feelings for him. They will only go unrequited and I want so badly for them to go away. I have a sadness in my heart from the longing for someone who will never want me the same way as I do. I’ve already learned this lesson, and there is simply no reason for me to repeat it. I wish my brain would take my heart out back and slap some sense into it.

I need to “walk away”, not literally, but I need to stop trying. Stop pushing. Stop investing even mental energy in his general direction. No good will come of it.

I am stronger than this!!

I need to make a commitment to myself to never ever, no matter how appealing it may seem, pay attention to a man who is not paying attention to me. I did that for way too long and apparently old habits die hard.

He’s a great guy, but he’s just not that into me.

Waiting

How do you know if someone is worth waiting for? Should you ever consider waiting for anyone? Does the term “wait” alone imply that some part of your life or heart is on hold and thereby it’s wrong to wait? Should you consider waiting for someone with whom you feel a real “connection” with? How do you know what that “connection” really is? I don’t ever want anyone to pause a facet of their lives for me, so the fact that I am contemplating what it means to wait seems absurd to me. But what if? What if you continue on in your life and don’t wait for someone who you think, in this moment, is worth waiting for? What happens? If you decide to be friends is that just waiting in disguise? I guess I’ll find out.

So a few things can happen:
Scenario A
Part ways, do nothing, like it was never there. No attempt at friendship and let dissolve any bits of “connection” that remain.

Scenario B
Attempt a friendship and discover that you don’t really enjoy each other on a friend level and that the “connection” you had was purely infatuation or sexual tension.

Scenario C
Friendship grows and “connection” fades from the potential of a romance, to a great and lasting friendship.

Scenario D
Friendship grows and the “connection” grows with it, which turns into something more meaningful on a romantic level. The foundation is formed on friendship and as a result is solid and amazing.

There is that saying about letting go and seeing if it comes back. I suppose that’s as true a statement as anything else when considering waiting for any one person.

I say: live your life, don’t wait, be open to whatever comes to you (old and new) and listen with all of your being. The truth of what is meant to be will speak loud and clear.

On the topic of what to wait for: My heart is waiting for the right man. The man who will think me the most beautiful woman in the room. The man who would never hurt me. The man who wants to cook me a special meal that he doesn’t even like. The man who will laugh with me and cry with me. The man who will protect me, even if it means telling me when I’m being callus. The man who makes me want to be a better person. Who embraces me for all I am, flaws included. The man who supports my desires and challenges my comfort zone. The man with whom I will be able to relax and be vulnerable, rather than tough. The man who is ready.

For all those things, I will condone, accept and embrace the notion of waiting. Maybe not for any particular person, but for all the qualities I want and need to be present in someone special.

I’ll wait right here with my heart on my sleeve and my hat in my hand.

Someone

I want someone to snuggle with.
Someone to watch a movie with.
Someone to stay in with on a Sunday.
Someone to eat breakfast with.
Someone to say goodnight too.
Someone to take long drives with.
Someone to sit with in candlelight.
Someone to look at the stars with.
Someone to touch gently.
Someone to hug me so tight.
Someone who will look me in the eyes and melt my heart.
Someone to be vulnerable with.
Someone to love.

I don’t think it’s too much to ask for.

Someday, someone…